If I wasn’t addicted to…chocolate?

There comes a time in every girls life where we have to surrender to the powers that be.  Where we can admit that we are powerless and not in control over the emotions evoked in us when we come within 5 feet of Mr. Right.  See, Mr. Right Now, was supposed to be just that…Mr. Right Now.  Not Mr. Right.  And while I still take the firm stand that Mr. Right Now aka Mr. Hometown…whose real name is Mr. Grey (literally), may only be Mr. Right for Now…he, nevertheless, is making me lose my goddamn mind.

It isn’t because of anything other than the fact that, I-Have-No-Idea-What-We-Are.  Yes, ladies and gentleman, I am that girl who cannot leave well enough alone.  Who has to interfere with sheer perfection.  Who must disrupt the natural progression of the pseudo-relationship.  Who has to be prepared to throw up that obnoxious ultimatum all girls swear they will never use and all guys pretend like they don’t expect is coming.

I mean, here are the specifics:

1.  We met in November on a dating website…hear that “dating” website…implying that you are looking for a mate…no?  FYI it is FEBRUARY.

2. We both have children, who we have met.  Granted, I am in the type of situation where I don’t have a life and if I want to do anything social it sort of has to come to me…between my long work hours, limited babysitters, and ex-husband who gets in to a power struggle with me when I need him to watch her until 9:30PM on his nights when I am at work…the only way I would be able to even see people is if they came to me.  So, after a brief modified mini mental exam (shh!!) and understanding he was fit to be around my beautiful child…he has sort of has become a staple at my house mainly on Tuesday evenings, Thursday evenings and some Sundays….not that we are creatures of habit or anything (blah).  Shortly after we started talking or WHATEVER IT IS THAT WE ARE DOING, I met his two boys…at an impromptu play-date.  It was fun.  Then approximately 30 minutes before leaving to take them back to their mother it dawned on me, “Did you tell your ex you were taking them here to bake holiday cookies?” Him: “No.” Me: “Why? Don’t you think they will say something to their mom?  Like I was at this girl’s house with her kid and we made cookies?” Him: “No, they wouldn’t say anything.”  One hour later…Him: “My ex just flipped out because my oldest said something.” Me: [shocker] “Shocker!”  Future play dates = non existent.  Regardless, I met his boys and he spends ample time with my daughter.

3.  He has met my parents and my neighbors who are like my family.  My parents like him.  My neighbors like him.  Both rarities.

4.  I am no longer “this girl,” when he speaks of me to his parents, rather I have a name.  For example, the other night he stayed at my house and called his parents to let them know he wouldn’t be home and said, “Mom, yeah, I am not coming home tonight…yah everything is okay…well I am going to stay at Elle’s house…yah she is helping me with my car tomorrow.”  To which I said, “Oh, I have a name now? Wow! [sarcasm].”  He said, “Well, my parents yelled at me for saying ‘this girl’ and that it was okay to just say your name.”  Later, which he described was a result of dating a girl with my name and it not ending well.  [In reality, I think him naming me holds me to a higher level of seriousness…which undoubtedly scares the shit out of him].

5.  Did I mention we met on a DATING website.  One where it encourages you to FIND YOUR SOUL MATE?

6.  He was going to introduce me to his best friend; however, said friend went out the night before and then didn’t want to come out for super bowl.

7.  He has been subtly [nothing is subtle to someone with a degree in psychology, especially one who actively practices clinical therapy] refraining from either sharing all details of his drunken nights out with the boys, or not engaging in illicit behaviors.  He also made it a point to tell me he did not go home with this girl as he did not want to…granted he finished the statement with “go all the way to her town and then have to come back.”  But, then after I did my move where I try to roll my neck out of sheer aggravation, he laughed and said “you are so easy to mess with.”

8. …I totally forgot.  He. Asked. Me. To. Consider. Moving. In. To. His. House. (if he can kick out his ex-wife and take full physical custody of his children). Of course, to offset his mortgage as he is in the school district I just registered my child in (using my parents address of course, anticipating MOVING BACK HOME….can I get a large serving of glass to chomp on please?!) and does not want to struggle with the financial burden of paying his mortgage on one salary.  Sure…we will not be moving in moving in together, like I will more than likely have my own room…but I mean, c’mon?  It’s not like he would be able to bring over strange women…nor would I be able to bring home strange men…not that I would.  Would I?

9.  We speak daily.  More like hourly.  The End.

So, to recap:  I met his children, he met my daughter.  He met my parents.  His parents know of me, as does his siblings (forgot that).  He met my neighbors.  We spend at least 3x/week together.  We talk hourly.  We sleep together.  He stays at my apartment.  He is thoughtful.  He LISTENS.

I wonder, maybe it would make sense if I wrote something referring to how we are not in a relationship.  Instead of trying to disprove my theory that we are technically in a relationship, well, a pseudo relationship.  The question is now, when do I drop the “so” statement?  You know, that moment in the relationship when the girl says “So…where is this going?”

I already know the answer…I don’t.  And I don’t, because he is afraid of me.  For some reason I know he doesn’t ever want to stop talking to me…and I think he believes that he is going to fuck this up, as he feels like he fucks everything up.  The only thing I can do, is continue to demonstrate how he is Mr. Right….Now?

So, where is this going?  No. Idea.  How much longer would one wait?  Would one wait?  I would wait…but that is because Mr. Grey happens to be a pretty awesome person.  And by awesome, I mean that he is great…in his own way of course.

[2/10/2015]