As luck would have it…because why would my life turn out any other way? The ploy was to woo my pseudo-boyfriend with Yankee tickets from the new firm I am working at. My motive was to not only demonstrate how much fun I would be if I ever upgraded to an actual girlfriend…but to also give me a forum to meet his friends as I was aiming for four tickets. After choosing the game he wanted to go to, he then said…What are we going to do with the other tickets? This was initially, back in April.
Now, what he said the other day is, Do you want me to ask my friend and his girlfriend? We could go on a double date?
See how my life becomes misleading? And when he said it, picture a sarcastic, witty, and yet seemingly pleased undertone. As if he wanted me to say, “I have been waiting all my life for you to ask me on a date.”
Later that day, I sabotaged anything I had going with him when I confirmed my friend zone status by reiterating how scared I am to ever love again, which is why, for now…and potentially all of eternity…I remain in this little bubble of friends with Mr. Grey. Yes, this is what I said to him. Why? Because, one of my friends sent me this article about love after a divorce…my blog yesterday…rather, my retort to this sheepish nonsense. In my defense, my plan is to make Mr. Grey feel comfortable in this awkwardly secure friend zone so that he learns that I am not like all the typical women he has dated in the past…to learn that I am not going to hurt him…that he is way too special to me to do that. Then, muster up the courage and preparedness to actually pop the question. To take this to the next level. Because why not.
Part of me wants to have a drink at the game on Saturday…liquid courage if you will. Then just play out a scenario. What if we do work…and by sitting idle…both afraid of being hurt…which only in turns hurts us both.
The realist in me understands that he is not ready…that I am not ready…but the opportunist in me is bugging out with a fine tooth comb strangling every minute detail of interaction between us to analyze if we are any closer to the prospective idea of actually dating.
My boss, Mr. Politician, is under the common misinformed belief, that Mr. Grey and I are already boyfriend and girlfriend, and that the only person who does not think this to be true is me. Which is oh so contraire. In my defense, I would shack up with Mr. Grey tomorrow. His mood swings don’t sway me…his uncontrolled rigidness doesn’t bother me either. It is who he is and I have undoubtedly accepted that….to an unconditional point. However, Mr. Grey is the roadblock as anyone knows from reading any post I have ever inscribed on this godforsaken site.
Last night, for example…he did not feel well. A cold, if you will, but anyone who has any live-in experience with a man in a significant other type capacity will understand and support my belief that you are all big babies. Every last one of you. Anyway, so Mr. Grey came over. Unexpected…kind of. I knew he wasn’t feeling well and I didn’t want him to get more annoyed or more depressed so I didn’t push the issue after saying, “You can come here if you want? We won’t bother you and you can just lay in bed?” He said, “I don’t know…my phone is going to die…I will just talk to you later.” And hung up. About 20 minutes later I texted him, “I know I am annoying and will prob irritate u. But I think being alone is worse for you. I won’t bother u.” [meaning if he came over]. Literally, one minute later he texted me, “Door woman.” And rang my bell.
You can ring my bell yah ring my bell my bell.
I let him sit in my bedroom while I got my daughter ready for bed. He then decided after I went in there a few times to see if he wanted any water, Advil, etc., to come out…at around 8:30PM. He said, oh never mind, I don’t want to bother you,” and retreated back in to my room after seeing me watching my daughter’s dress rehearsal for her dance recital. I said hang on…finished the video…got up…went in my room…to which he said, “I wanted to know if you wanted to watch this show with me…but it is something you cannot watch alone.” I melted.
Like, why do you do things like that Mr. Grey? Because you know we are perfect for each other? I get we are both fucked up and I think that this would mean we would be more sensitive of each other’s boundaries, wants, needs, desires. We would be more aware of everything and thus be better for each other in the long run. Maybe that is what the article yesterday was trying to captivate. Maybe this was the point of that horrifically written statement about love after divorce.
I just feel like maybe I will offer up the idea of true romance after he is all settled and moved in…this way my rent is still sublet and I can perhaps afford groceries each month.
Totally digressed (as usual)….as luck would have it…his friend is not available for the game Saturday night. Which means this double just turned in to a single…this may have better potential?