While cruising on a senselessly designed website where algorithms decides cats v. dogs for you based on pre-determined answers…I decided to have some fun. Not that I am not a fan of what I have going on right now….especially since he is awkwardly sitting next to me in bed….however, preoccupied as Game of Thrones is on.
My father always told me though, never to put all your eggs in one basket. For years I have been protecting said basket with all individual and fragile eggs.
Now, while Mr. Grey and I have had countless encounters…there was one special one that started okay and ended okay…but was just that, okay. Not that I am not okay with okay or that I anticipated that it would be anything short of okay….but…the girl in me was hoping for something epic. Romantically epic.
We went to the Ed Sheeran concert. It was amazing. Yes, we got there late…but shortly after almost being jumped by some eccentric hippie-like early 90’s grunge chick for my I.D. because only people with wrist bands were allowed to “touch” alcohol…and racing to our seats ever so casually….he played Thinking Out Loud. Knowing how marketing works and having attended concerts before, I knew that this song would be played during his first set-list and that he would save all jam songs for his encore. Luckily. Because this was the only song that I wanted to hear…and I know Mr. Grey did not want to actually go to the concert. I told him that after we heard the song we could leave. Which meant that we would still get to hang out and spend time together, but that we did not have to stay at the concert. Rather, he could take me to his whore-lumped bars and pool halls….and pretend like he didn’t recognize half a dozen faces.
Anyway….Thinking Out Loud….so, I had all these fleeting and persistent thoughts about what would happen when the song played. Would I profess my unrequited love? Would he be able to read me to know that what I wanted was to be held? A hand…an arm? A something!? Would he admit that he wants to be in a relationship? That he is sick of endlessly searching for something on any of the numerous websites he browses looking for someone to replace his ex-girlfriend? His mistress if you will?
As I watched him suck down the star beer, as my daughter would say….I wondered. Why would he agree to come with me to the concert? Why would he agree to move in to my basement, knowing that he cannot turn it in to a true bachelor pad as girls are not allowed to participate in his living quarters. Why would he spend nights here, half naked in my bed….laying next to me as I type! Why!? Why would he go to Trader Joes and remember that I am running out of coconut oil and buy me more? Why would he forfeit sleeping at his own house, in his own bed…which mind you is unrealistically comfortable….to stay here…in this non committal bed!?
With all of this in mind….I decided….fuck. this. noise.
And started being a bit of a tinder whore, if you will. Laying out yesterday I thought…if this kid wants to send his sunset pictures to more than just me…then I am going to send my bathing suit selfies to more than just him. Shocked that I only got 12 hits. He, on the other hand…Mr. Grey…happened to be with one of his friends who saw my text picture come through and said that she got tingly seeing me half naked arched perfectly on a sheet outside soaking up the sun in my backyard. He said that he then showed it to several other people who gathered around and said, “Yup, this is why I went to the Ed Sheeran concert…this is what is waiting for me at home.” To which his friends gave him props, saying, “now it all makes sense.”
But does it?! Because to me…it does not.
Who better to ask about this conundrum of a situation? Another man…however, I noticed that even his answers were biased. More than likely because I turned down his invite to go swimming in his pool at 7PM on a Saturday night…daughter included. He basically told me that Mr. Grey wants me to make the first move and say, “hey, be my boyfriend?” or “hey, stop talking to total randos on these stupid websites, why am I not enough?”
Obviously….this would be ideal…but with summer coming…him moving in to my basement….the possibility of a trip to Maine and a wedding…I don’t want to risk anything. I was thinking on our one-year anniversary of being FWB, maybe we could solidify our relationship and make it official.
So…hello tinder. Hello wild world of online dating. Hello sites that capitalize on personal appearance and wit. Hello world of temptation, instant gratification, and impulse. Hello strange men who only like me because I look like a nice girl and naturally they are going to think nice = weak. Hello oddballs and people who are socially awkward or alcoholics or just plain old off.
Maybe Mr. Traveler will be next on bad decisions? or Dates? Not sure…working it out now…shopping for people <3 while the man of my dreams lays next to me unknowing of anything….unknowing of how he is the man of my dreams and unknowing that I am more than likely going to sabotage this before he does…because we all know about my shopping addiction.
sweet dreams.