Welcome to the 21st Century, where meeting a person by chance occurs only after a computer system matches you based on favorite pet, last place you dinned, and body-type preference. Internet world: I was lying about liking dogs! So, please, stop telling me I am a 99% compatible with the 9ft tall person living 49 miles away who loves walking Lassie.
And, as much as I loathe the idea of meeting someone off the Internet…sorry Mr. Grey…I just downloaded this “new” app, where you can literally find someone to meet based off of physical preferences. If I don’t think you are attractive, you will be swiped to the left. Whatever happened to the awkward conversation at the bar, “Can I buy you a drink?” And you are left to come up with something witty and polite about how you already have one, standing there, empty handed, because you don’t want to entertain talking to someone mediocre….unless, it’s the end of the night and you are thinking to yourself, “Hello, Mr. Settling For the Night.”
Is that what we are so impulsively obsessed with? Feeling as though we have settled? I mean, to be honest, the only reason I asked, and the only reason why I stooped so low as to download the swiping app, is because last night, after feeling content with my current pseudo-relationship situation….I looked on cupid.com to see when Mr. Grey last popped on the site. Wondering if I am good enough, trying to send cosmic waves to the Internet gods praying that it says no longer active. Not expecting the big, bright, green ONLINE NOW sign to be blaring in my face. Now, I know that cupid.com is unreliable and inaccurate, as it has made mention that I have been online during times I had not even signed in for weeks….but….I would like to make a special shout out to these Internet Gods for solidifying my insecurities. Because torturing myself, wondering if I am good enough for Mr. Grey, is not enough….
On that note, I started looking at houses. I mean, why not just pour a vat of salt in the wound. It is impossible for me to assume that even over the next five years I would be able to afford a house. However, I did just fall in love with two. Both in my hometown. Both dreamy. While it is not impossible to afford, if I had a second income, it is not happening. And some other family, probably not as deserving, but then who am I to be so grandiose, will move in and I will be stuck in my 2-bedroom apartment (which, I also can’t really afford!) in the ghetto.
What I did, to try to compensate for this slight income deficiency that I have is something I have never in all my years done. Did I make myself sick over the thought of it? Sure. Am I that impulsive that I had to ask instantaneously…yes. Of course. Ugh, so here it is, this is what I did….I wrote an e-mail to Mr. Grey, because having a face-to-face conversation when you can hide behind a computer screen miles away is way easier…outlining pros for us looking for an apartment together. A 3-bedroom if you will. Ideally, I would like Mr. Grey to move in with me…trial it out in this apartment where our names are not coupled on a lease and bound in legal agreement to stay together for at least 12-months. I will more than likely be living here until August 2015….so, why not shack up to the best of our abilities until then to see what it really would be like.
Wait, an important you heard it first here on Elle’s blogsite, I gave Mr. Grey a key at the end of March. Yes. On March 28, 2015…and not that the date has any significance, but it was my best friend’s son’s birthday that day. So, from the middle of November, until the end of March was all it took for someone to get a key to my private living quarters. Anyone else in my position, I would advise to slow down and proceed with caution. Me….? Nah, I am probably putting all of my eggs in one basket, but I mean am I really? What with being on cupid.com and swipe.com….I am still half in the game, no? Like one foot in the commitment room and one foot in the single for life room. But which one will I stand confident in?
Yes, I did just ignore the fact that he was checking his profile on cupid.com. And yes, I am going to probably be sick when I find him on swipe.com. However, what better way to ignore these pretty obvious red flags, then to compose this e-mail requesting my lover to become my roommate? Because that always works, even in chick flicks!
And, why not hit send on an e-mail that will inevitably make or break my sanity?
On that note…shutting down the internet…perhaps for life.
[4/14/2015]