I am not sure if I am more affected by the fact that in the Trader Joe’s bag of “pre-washed” lettuce we found a ladybug… or by the fact that he put the ladybug on the plant he bought for his house, that he couldn’t keep at his house, so he brought it to my house and then said “I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.” Because, that is how you always present a situation to a female. If you didn’t want us to get the wrong idea, you should not have brought over a plant at all, especially one with a heart on the burlap pot wrap. Then try to convince yourself by telling me out loud, “you know, because there is a heart on the pot.” Okay, right. I don’t believe you are professing your love for me by bringing me the plant with a heart on it. I do believe that Trader Joe’s sells awesome plants and sometimes, regardless of how “unnecessary” their designs are on the pots (come to think of it I should have gone there instead of Associated to buy groceries so I could have seen if there were other options!! dammit!) their plants are amazing, and cheap.
I also believe that you wanted to buy me a plant…because you are aware of how much I detest flowers….and wanted to show your “______” (ad-lib!).
While this plant incident occurred a few weeks ago…the important part is, after Mr. Grey found the lady bug while sifting through the pre-washed lettuce….you know, while in my kitchen making dinner with me, while…you know….OUR children (most prized possessions, things we are most proud of) played quietly and together!!!! in the family room. Having tried to pair our children together a handful of times and not really having great success…this evening could not have been more perfect. See, Mr. Grey’s oldest suffers from sensory issues, and his youngest is in speech therapy….not blaming the mother as this would really be sending society back decades….I am blaming the environment in which the children live in when they are not with Mr. Grey. Why? or How dare I? One might ask. Because a) I am trained to recognize and identify an inappropriate environment; b) I am licensed and educated to acknowledge an environment that would balance his need to thrive so that he would have limited sensory issues and not have to have melt downs: Enter, my home. I naturally moved all of the clutter, cleaned the table off that is usually a chaotic mess. I put away toys that were difficult or frustrating for my daughter and kept the television, when on, on low. I tried to decrease background noise and increase safe play. I explained the situation to my soon-to-be 5 year old next month. I reminded her that people are different and not to argue, fight, grab, or tattle on his oldest son. I reminded her to be kind, and to always be thoughtful.
Back in the love blooming kitchen (ha), Mr. Grey and I cooked dinner. He made English muffin pizzas for the kids, and a salad with chicken for us, you know, Mr. & Mrs. Paleo. Which reminds me, as an aside, I really need to get off the sugar wagon and back on to the Paleo diet. Anyway, Mr. Grey suddenly said, “Look what I found in the lettuce!” Not able to tell if he was pissed or pleased as he was in the zone cooking….I leaned towards him and saw he was looking in the lettuce….and there she was. A little tiny, perfect, 6 spotted lady bug. Just chilling. I picked her up, and called for the kids to come see. Took some selfies of Ms. Bug for a sweet instagram party later, and passed her around to the boys (c’mon little girl I raised you better! we are not afraid of bugs crawling on us!!!!). Mr. Grey came over and asked, “Where do you want to put it?” I cocked my head and said, “Easssy,” oozing sexual innuendos. He laughed and walked over towards the plant.
Ladybugs, I believe, are good luck. I am not sure why, or for what reason. So, I did what any un-witted nerd would do…I google searched that bitch. I found connections to religious beliefs involving the Virgin Mary…I found spiritual connections involving Feng Shui, and then this: “Some cultures believe seeing a ladybug brings good luck. The person may then succeed in love, have good weather, experience financial success or simply receive some other desired wish. Other cultures presume having a ladybug land on you brings good luck, or that whatever a ladybug lands on will be replaced with an improved version.” I mean, could this not be more appropriate!?
In my mind, Mr. Grey and I, just. got. married. Had a fourth and final beautiful child together…and are happily living in our 5-bedroom colonial house in our hometown.
In reality, he said, let’s find a place for this, so that I would not continue to beg for sex, and looked for the plant. Our love fern (*movie reference: How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days…hilarious scene). I put it on the leaf, smiled, and called the unruly children to the table for dinner. I sat next to his youngest son, as my daughter took 3 bites of this foreign food (English muffin pizza….what a weird kid), and ran back to play, asked if it would be okay if I wiped his mouth clean…looked in to Mr. Grey’s eyes…and fell. Hard. Harder than I have ever fallen in my life. I was consumed with emotions. I stopped eating at one point because it was so awkwardly overwhelming.
I am in love with Mr. Grey. I could do this. I could help co-parent his children. This was my first thought. I could help him remain emotionally stable and psychologically sound because I would be the answers to all of his unrequited needs. He could support me with making better more confident decisions. Because, in all actuality, we really did compliment each others ebbs and flows. When I was up, he would bring me down, and when he is down, I bring him up. At that moment, the time we spent together sort of all rushed and caught up with me. I looked around at a hell of a mess…toys, thrown everywhere. Happily playing, loudly in every room of the house. (P.S., my poor cat was hiding on my bed. the. entire. time). Laughter consumed their conversations. There was…..sharing! It was beautiful. My daughter came over, Mr. Grey politely asked her to, “pull my finger,” and let out a ridiculously loud burp. And at that moment, I knew, I wanted this forever.
Uh. Oh. What just happened?
[3/29/2015]